Bated Breath

Wow and the votes are coming in!

 Some of my online married mom friends told me flat-out they voted for “Sexcapades” so they could live vicariously through me. Hey, fine with with me, just don’t judge me later for being a slutty single mom, ok?

But for reals, I’ve seen the backlash single moms have gotten from talking about adult activities,  Fortunately for all you nitty-gritty seekers, I don’t really give a shit about that anymore. For the past 3 years I blogged with bated breath, constantly worrying that some lurid detail I posted would end up in front of a judge. For those of you who are in a committed, stable, happy, trusting marriage, you will never understand the freedom, joy and release I am currently experiencing.  I’m not bragging, really. Your situation is highly preferable to what I’ve gone through.

But for the last 3 years, I would witness my coupled friends’ daily interactions in the privacy of their homes, or even in public and feel a twinge of bitterness. Those husbands never had to worry about their wives calling 911 on them because they had 3 or more microbrews with dinner. Those wives never had to constantly wonder if their babies’ diaper rash was getting bad enough for their husbands to take pictures and open a CPS case.

Maybe I was just paranoid, but I lived my life in constant fear every time I sent my child over to her dad’s house. I made sure her fingernails were clean and clipped, her hair was brushed, her skin lotioned. Coming from my own childhood, where we were allowed to run barefoot, sunburned and tangled all summer, I know what its like to be called a “dirty hippie” or ”white trash.”  I was afraid those names alone could take my daughter away from me.

Now that I don’t live in that cloud of fear, I fully intend on re-hippifying my kiddo, because DAMN it was a good life (thanks mom).  I could care less if LB’s feet are dirty or her hair is tangled, but through my own experience (and these last fearful years) I know better than to keep her in the dark. The rules are different outside of hippieland, and its my responsiblity to teach her.

So, the internet can call me anything it wants.  I’m too happy to care. It’s my time to relax finally. I deserve it .  The object(s) of my desire are always anonymous on my blog, so they have nothing to complain about. My stories are what they are. My past is what it is.

I’m done with guilt.

P.S. I’m glad I’m writing again because my grammar/spelling has definitely gone downhill since I’ve stopped. Bad.

Pisces Pictures

Hello everyone!

I assume most of you are former Cost of Living readers, or my friends and family who have pushed me to keep writing. My old blog was slowly dwindling in its popularity, and the regularity of posts was shoddy as best. I was not being consistant, and I figured now that I officially have permenant custody of my daughter, there would be no drama to lure readers. 

My life was getting busier as well, and I was starting to go on real dates. Also, having moved to the “big city”, I spent more of my free time at concerts, shows, museums and other social get-togethers.  I was online only to check email and Facebook.  I was ignoring my blog and having a good time doing it.

But I started getting questions DURING those social get-togethers. About my blog! I wanted to chill and revel in my REAL LIFE, but instead my friends kept asking me “UM…. when are you going to post again?”

Recently, a fellow blogger/old high school friend who has been reading my blog for the last 3 years hosted a girl’s night at her house. I’ve reconnected with my friend; this move finally bringing us back together for the first time since her wedding in 2007.  As we chatted and drank wine, I sighed and told her my blog was dead.